


i wanna be your shelter

by brionyjae



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 1x16 "Rogue Time", 1x23 "Fast Enough", 2x01 "The Man Who Saved Central City", 5+1 Things, Angst, Episode Related, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, all the good things basically, also i may have shamelessly stolen parts from the Barry/Cisco 1x23 deleted scene, because it was glorious, set during season 1 and 2x01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 19:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7587301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brionyjae/pseuds/brionyjae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Barry cried in front of Cisco - and one time they both cried...</p><p>Or, how Barry and Cisco both finally stopped being oblivious idiots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i wanna be your shelter

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii! This is my first dip into writing Barry/Cisco (and The Flash), and since it's the first fanfic I've written since... *cough* 2011... I apologise in advance for any rustiness ;) I have absolutely fallen in love with Barry/Cisco and am astounded that there's not more fic out there. So: here's my contribution! Enjoy <3
> 
> Note: This is set during season one, and 2x01. Part 4 relates to 1x16, part 5 relates to 1x23 (and that deleted scene!!), and the +1 part relates to 2x01. Hopefully it'll be obvious when you're actually reading it, but I thought I'd better put this here, just in case :)
> 
> Also, the title has been taken from Lady Antebellum's song, "Can't Stand The Rain".

1.

Okay, so they were still ironing out this whole 'Barry-is-a-meta-human-speedster' thing. It had been just over a month since Barry had woken up from the coma - and, incidentally, just over a month since Cisco had developed a frankly ridiculous crush on him - and they still had a lot to learn. One of the things they _had_ learned was that Barry healed incredibly fast, and Cisco had always viewed this as completely awesome.

Perhaps there was such a thing as healing too fast, though.

Everything had been running to plan. Evil meta-human of the week (Cisco was currently trying out the name "Heavy Metal" because of this guy's apparent ability to manipulate, well, heavy metal) was tiring, and Barry was closing in.

"You need to keep him contained to the south side of the scrap yard," Dr. Wells said, leaning into the microphone. "Away from the highway." Cisco winced in sympathy as a grunt sounding suspiciously like Barry came through the speakers.

"I am! Mostly. It's just -" There was a muffled, metallic scraping, and a good five seconds before Barry continued. "- he keeps throwing huge containers at me! Aw, come on man, that was a dick move!"

"Dude, I don't think calling him a dick is going to make him feel more friendly," snickered Cisco. Caitlin's lips twitched, which was her version of a full blown grin.

"A distraction strategy," Dr. Wells continued calmly. "Just remember what we talked about - his oxygen levels, and therefore his consciousness, will be compromised once he overextends his powers."

"Really hope that happens sooner, rather than later," Barry muttered. "Come on!" he directed at the meta-human. "You're not even trying to catch me!"

"You know, we really need to have a conversation about the way you love to taunt the bad guys," Cisco said idly, rolling a lollipop from one side of his mouth to the other. Sure enough, Heavy Metal didn't take too kindly to Barry's challenge, and an enraged roar came through Barry's earpiece.

And then there was a solid thunk upon metal, and Barry was shouting out in pain.

"Barry!" Cisco leapt forwards in his seat, pulling his lollipop from his mouth. Caitlin and Dr. Wells were both frowning in concern, all of them waiting for Barry to _say something_. Why wasn't he saying anything??

"Oh god... _ow_..."

"Barry, are you okay?" Cisco was clutching the microphone's base as if that could somehow help Barry, even though he was miles away, on the outskirts of Central City.

"He... moved a whole train car in front of me, I... I didn't have time to change course. I think... I think my arm's broken," Barry rasped. Cisco squeezed his eyes shut.

"You need to come back here so I can assess the damage," Caitlin said immediately, her voice tight with tension.

" _No!_ " Barry shouted, and Caitlin and Cisco both jumped. "I have to stop this guy before he hurts anyone else. I've almost got him!"

"But Barry -" Caitlin stopped, and bit her lip, at the look on Dr. Wells face.

"You can do this, Barry. I believe in you," he said steadily. "Show... _Heavy Metal_ what you can really do."

Cisco couldn't help the surprised snort of laughter, his current anxiety giving it a somewhat hysterical edge. He'd always known that Dr. Wells _totally_ dug the nicknames.

"Is that all you got?" Barry yelled at Heavy Metal, and then wind was whipping Barry's earpiece, and he was running, and running, and metal was crashing and screeching in the background, and then -

"Yes! I did it! He's out cold!"

Cisco let a rush of air out of his lungs, and slumped back into his chair. And returned to his lollipop, because he really needed some sugar right now. Caitlin took a similarly shaky breath, and busied herself with getting the medical bed set up for Barry's return.

"Well done, Mr. Allen. We've got a cell with his name on it."

Letting himself grin with relief, Cisco raised an eyebrow at Dr. Wells.

"You mean, his actual name, or...?"

"I'll leave that for you to decide," Dr. Wells smiled. Cisco gave a muted fist pump and a whispered "Heavy Metal, baby!"

A short time later, the celebratory mood had definitely evaporated. Barry had brought Heavy Metal back to STAR Labs and safely stowed him away in the pipeline - and had then promptly passed out on the floor. It had taken both Cisco and Caitlin to carry (maybe 'drag' would be more accurate) him back to the cortex, and lift him onto the hospital bed that he was so well acquainted with. Cisco had even been forced to discard his lollipop, after a killer glare from Caitlin.

With officially the worst timing ever, Barry had then gasped awake again, and was now twisting in pain - and _that_ was when Cisco looked at Barry's broken arm properly.

"Barry, I need you to keep still," Caitlin was saying, but neither Barry nor Cisco were paying full attention to her. Barry's concentration was clearly being affected by the fact that the middle of his forearm was bent in an unnatural angle. Cisco was too busy staring at Barry in horror. (Okay, okay, he had to admit, there was some fascination there too, because _hello_ , 'weird science thing happening' alert. But it was mostly horror.)

"Cisco," Dr. Wells' voice jolted Cisco out of his daze. "You need to hold Barry still so Caitlin can assess his bone structure."

"...right, sorry," Cisco murmured, and pushed himself towards the hospital bed. Without hesitating, Cisco laid a hand on Barry's thigh, and applied light pressure to help steady him. Cisco's other hand fluttered awkwardly for a moment before he settled it on Barry's shoulder. He exchanged a glance with Caitlin, who spared him a nod in between fiddling with her scanner, and then Cisco firmly lifted his gaze to Barry's face. Pain was etched into his features, his eyes screwed tightly shut. Although his teeth were gritted together, Barry was still managing to emit several, pitiful groans that tugged at Cisco's heart.

"Hey, man, I know it hurts, but Caitlin's gonna fix you up in no time," he said. A shudder passed through Barry's body, and Cisco felt Barry's thigh muscles flexing beneath his fingers; Caitlin had managed to hook his uninjured arm up to an IV drip, probably full of industrial, Barry-strength painkillers. Cisco debated with himself for a couple of seconds; Barry probably wouldn't even remember this. Right? Ah, what the heck, he was gonna go for broke. Taking a deep breath through his nostrils, Cisco carefully slid his thumb over Barry's shoulder, towards his neck, to lightly brush against the skin there.

Barry's eyes flew open with a strangled gasp, and they connected with Cisco's instantly. Cisco felt himself freeze up. Oh, sweet holy Professor McGonagall, his cover was blown to absolute hell, and Barry would know, it would be so _obvious_ how Cisco felt and Barry would -

"Cisco?" Barry croaked, blinking rapidly up at him.

"Yeah, Barry, it's me," said Cisco quietly. He flicked a self-conscious look over at Dr. Wells, but he was sitting a relatively safe distance away, too far away to hear Cisco. He hoped. "Uh... how are you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by a train," Barry groaned, shutting his eyes again briefly. "Which, oh wait, _actually happened_."

"Technically, you were the one who hit the train -" Cisco began, but was interrupted by Caitlin clearing her throat pointedly. "But yeah, I - uh - I suppose the general effect would have been the same." Barry was no longer struggling as much as he had been, meaning the painkillers were hopefully starting to work.

"It looks like your arm was broken in two places by the initial impact," Caitlin said, transferring the x-ray onto a screen. "But unfortunately... the bone has already started to heal. In the wrong position. Which probably accounts for why you're in so much pain."

"Great," panted Barry, dragging in another ragged breath. "So, what do we do?"

Caitlin hesitated, and shared a look with Dr. Wells. Cisco's eyes grew wider as he glanced between the two of them.

"Oh, for real?!"

"What?" Barry managed to get out. Cisco met his eyes again, unwilling to be the one to deliver the bad news.

"We're... going to have to re-break your arm," Caitlin said, the note of apology clear in her tone.

"...I take it back, I hate having super speed," sighed Barry. His thigh finally relaxed beneath Cisco's fingers as he sunk into the mattress.

"It's the only way to ensure that you heal properly," Dr. Wells wheeled over to Caitlin, to examine the readout on her handheld scanner.

"Can't we just... hope that my arm figures itself out?" Barry sent a pleading, puppy eye look at Caitlin. Cisco swallowed down a prayer of thanks that the look wasn't directed at him; he'd most likely turn into a melted pile of goo on the floor.

Caitlin was already shaking her head.

"The scan shows that your bone isn't aligned properly, and from what I can tell, it's only getting worse. I'm sorry, Barry... but we have to do this." She turned to Dr. Wells, and they began discussing which medical approach had the most merits. Cisco tuned them out, and gave Barry a bracing smile.

"On the bright side, this will make a great story that you'll probably _never_ be able to tell the ladies."

"Not helping, Cisco," Barry muttered, but squeezed out a small smile that was obviously intended to make Cisco's heart flutter.

"Alright, dude, just trying to be positive. And speaking of the positives, this will qualify for the list of how many bones in your body you've broken. Which I have totally _not_ been keeping track of, because that would be both creepy and irrelevant to my job description. Uh. Anyway, I guess this technically counts as one, although an argument could be made for three if you're counting separate breaks -"

"Cisco, please don't," Barry whined, and crap, there were the puppy eyes. Cisco shivered imperceptibly.

"Dude, you're killing me! Stop looking at me like that!"

Barry actually pouted at that, and Cisco sighed. He wondered when he'd started to rub Barry's neck with his thumb.

"Okay, jeez. I'll stop if you stop."

The pout smoothly transformed into one of Barry's show-stopping smiles (granted, the drugs did lend a certain dopey quality that Cisco was absolutely _not_ categorising as hopelessly endearing). Cisco absently patted Barry's thigh as he gave into the urge to smile back at him.

"Cisco," Caitlin said tersely, and anxiety trickled back into Cisco's veins. "We have to do this now. Every minute we wait will only make it worse."

"Can I at least have more painkillers?" Barry asked, managing to raise an eyebrow, but keeping his eyes fixed on Cisco.

"I've given you the strongest dose that I feel comfortable with," Caitlin hedged, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. "But... well, you might want to hold onto something."

A look of pure dread flashed over Barry's face, and Cisco's heart leapt horribly in his chest. He didn't stop to think, to weigh the pros and cons - he just acted. In a completely professional and brotherly manner.

"Cisco?" Barry asked in a quiet murmur, blinking up at Cisco in the most adorably confused manner.

"What?" Cisco said innocently. "Caitlin said you needed something to hold onto."

They both looked down; Cisco had removed his hand from Barry's thigh, and had brought it up to firmly clasp Barry's hand instead. Barry's fingers twitched involuntarily between Cisco's.

"I might hurt you," Barry argued weakly. His eyes were glossing over due to Caitlin's drug concoction.

"You'd never hurt me, Barry," Cisco said in a near whisper. Barry bit his lip, but couldn't seem to formulate an answer to that.

"Ready?" Caitlin asked, her voice betraying only the tiniest tremor. She had both hands wrapped around Barry's forearm, though twisting in opposing directions, and Dr. Wells was monitoring Barry's vitals closely. Cisco took a deep breath, and nodded.

"Ready."

Barry's fingers tightened on Cisco's, and their eyes locked onto each other.

"Just for the record, I think this definitely deserves to count as three separate breaks - AAHHHHH!"

Cisco winced and let Barry squeeze his hand in a death grip as Caitlin wrenched Barry's arm with surprising strength. Huh. He'd have to make a mental note to ask her whether she went to the gym. Cisco was distantly aware of Caitlin and Dr. Wells starting to attach a splint to Barry's arm, but all his focus was snapped onto Barry. Barry's eyelids were shut again, a frown creasing his forehead, and he was still clutching Cisco's hand like it was only thing keeping him on the hospital bed.

"It's okay, I got you," murmured Cisco, unconsciously leaning closer. Barry managed to blink his eyes open again, revealing the pain in them. "Just a little longer, then you'll be all back to normal."

Barry gasped out a wet laugh, and Cisco tried to smile back at him. He watched as a tear slid from the corner of Barry's eye, rolling down towards his hairline and the pillow. Another soon followed, and before Cisco realised what he was doing, he was moving the hand that was covering Barry's shoulder, and he was gently wiping the tears away with his thumb. Barry grimaced and looked away, but another tear escaped.

"Man, there is nothing that you need to feel embarrassed about," Cisco said firmly. He gave Barry's hand a light squeeze, wishing that Barry would meet his eyes again. "Last week, I swear to god, I cried when I stubbed my toe." This surprised an exhale of breath out of Barry, and he slowly looked up at Cisco beneath his unfairly long eyelashes. "Seriously! Hurt like a bitch." Cisco's eyes crinkled in a small smile. "So, this? This is a thousand times worse, and you totally have permission to cry."

Barry gave a tiny snort of laughter, and shook his head minutely, even as Cisco collected another tear with his thumb.

"Thanks, Cisco," he tried to joke, but somehow, a sincere note of feeling bled into the words, and Cisco felt his mouth mirror the soft, fond smile on Barry's face.

"Anytime, Barry."

 

2.

Somewhere along the line, whenever Barry was out being a superhero badass, Cisco had become the one that Barry would turn to first. It was Cisco's name that instinctively spilled from Barry's lips, whenever he hit a problem, whenever a situation was headed south. Sure, okay, so part of the reason was probably because Cisco was the one who was always on comms with Barry. It had always been him; he was a first receiver, of sorts. When Caitlin and Dr. Wells had clocked off for the day, Cisco was the one who was alerted if things went wrong in Central City, and so he was the one who called Barry, and talked him through what they had to do.

The other half of Cisco's brain liked to believe that Barry turned to him first for _other_ reasons too. But he was trying to keep those dangerous ideas under wraps.

So maybe Cisco _was_ spending a bit too much time finding problems that he and Barry could fix. Together. So... what, exactly? More people were helped, and Cisco got to spend more time with Barry. Not to mention the awesome warm fuzzies he got from helping a superhero fight crime. Totally a win-win scenario.

Which was why, when Cisco had intercepted a call to the CCPD regarding a man with a gun, he'd set aside the alterations he'd been making to Barry's sixth suit, and called Barry. One minute later, Barry was suited up and on the streets.

"Cisco!" the familiar voice filtered through his computer speakers, and Cisco took a last, noisy slurp of his slushy before setting it on the desk.

"Yo. What do you see?"

"No little old ladies yet," Barry answered, and even though he couldn't see him, Cisco could tell that he was rolling his eyes.

"Give it time, dude. Trust me. There's always at least one." Cisco flicked his eyes over the computer screen. "Well, the call originated from the Starbucks just opposite you, so the perp can't be far away."

"Do we know what this guy looks like? Anything?"

Cisco shrugged, before realising that Barry couldn't see him. Duh.

"The woman on the phone just said that he was wearing a dark trench coat, a beanie, and sunglasses. Which is obviously a normal outfit for a hot, autumn evening." Cisco swung around on his chair, drumming his fingers against the desk to the beat of this damn pop song that had been rattling around his mind all day. _Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's got me looking so crazy right now..._

"Yeah, I got that, thanks buddy." Barry's voice was dripping in sarcasm, and Cisco smiled to himself. He would totally take some credit for boosting Barry's sarcastic radar.

"Oh, and that he had a gun. Or something that looked like one."

Barry sighed.

"Fantastic."

His computer pinged, notifying Cisco that their software had finished hacking into the street security cameras. There was silence as both Barry and Cisco scanned the area, trying to see anything out of place...

"That person outside that bar," Cisco said suddenly, zooming in onscreen. "Outside _Reverb_."

"I see him," Barry said quietly, and Cisco watched as Barry started slipping along the dark walls, trying to get closer. "Matches the description."

"No sign of a weapon, though," Cisco said. He chewed his lip and squinted at the dark, grainy image.

And then several things happened at once.

A gun fired; once, twice, and then Cisco was staring at a blank screen. Damn it, the guy had shot out the security cameras. Then a handful more gunshots rung through the air, and Cisco could hear people screaming through Barry's earpiece.

"Okay, _that_ doesn't sound good," Cisco said fervently, and he started tapping at the keyboard, trying desperately to bring the security cameras back online, even though he _knew_ , logically, that it was useless.

"Put the gun down!" Barry was shouting in his Flash voice, while in the background, people were still screaming.

"Why would I want to do that?" sneered the guy.

"Uh, because otherwise you're gonna get your ass whipped by the Flash?" Cisco muttered to Barry. He swore that he could feel Barry's smirk through the comms.

"Because you'll regret it if you don't," Barry said instead, before launching himself at Gun Guy (that nickname was being replaced ASAP).

Barry's grunts of exertion filled the computer speakers, and Cisco reached absently for his slushy. If only there was some way he could help Barry...

Another smattering of loud gunshots rang out, startling Cisco out of his thoughts.

"Barry? Talk to me, man!"

"What moron thought it was a good idea to sell this guy _more than one_ gun?" was Barry's muffled reply. Cisco jiggled his knee up and down, before letting out a triumphant noise of realisation.

"Come on... come on..." He tapped at his keyboard, scanning - and then - "Yes! I'm in! _Reverb_ has a private security feed. Okay, where are you dude?"

"Starbucks!" Barry yelled, before Gun Guy threw him across the pavement and sent him crashing through the glass window of said cafe, tumbling inside.

"You didn't need to be so literal," Cisco tutted. He zoomed in on the image, watching Gun Guy turning away from Barry. Evidently, he thought he'd dealt with that particular problem. "Uh, dude? You might want to move sometime this century." A groan was the only answer Cisco got. Gun Guy raised both guns, and took aim into the street. "Like, now, Barry!"

Gunshots rang out again, but this time Cisco saw a blur of lightning on his computer screen, and then Barry was standing in front of Gun Guy, holding the two (now disarmed) guns.

"Sorry pal, you'll have to be faster than that."

And then another gunshot rang out.

Barry whirled around, an electrical charge lighting up the area momentarily. That was all it took for Cisco to spot it.

"Barry..."

Barry was already moving, speeding over to the other side of the street where a second gunman had just fired a shot. Within seconds, both guys were dumped in front of the cops that had just arrived on the scene. Then Barry was in the middle of the street, kneeling next to a prone figure.

"Cisco... oh, god..."

"What is it, Barry, what's happened?"

"She... there's blood everywhere, I..."

Cisco swallowed hard.

"Can you find a pulse?" he asked, proud of the way his voice didn't betray any tremors.

"I - I don't know, I can't -" Barry's voice broke, and he let out a shaky breath. "Cisco... she's gone."

The silence hung heavy over them, and Cisco watched, eyes glued to the screen, as a cop ran over to Barry.

"The medics are on their way," the cop said. Barry stood up.

"I think it's too late," he replied, in the quietest version of his Flash voice that Cisco had heard yet. Barry took a handful of staggering steps away, down the now deserted street.

"Barry..." Cisco whispered, but his voice dried up. What could he possibly say, in this moment, that would make everything better? _Nothing_ could do that.

Barry's next words were so quiet that Cisco found himself craning over the desk. As if that would bring him closer to Barry.

"I wasn't fast enough."

"It wasn't your fault," Cisco said, his voice renewed with strength that came from his absolute certainty of that fact. There was no reply, however, just a sudden gust of wind, and then nothing. A glance at the computer screen confirmed that Barry had left the crime scene - and turned off his comms.

Cisco sat staring at his computer screen for a minute before it occurred to him that Barry wasn't coming back to STAR Labs. And clearly he wasn't in the mood for talking, either.

A sickening, icy feeling flooded Cisco's body; this was just like what happened with Snart. Cisco had screwed up, and Barry had got hurt. _Cisco_ had hurt Barry. Which was probably the actual last thing in the universe that he wanted to do. And Cisco still hadn't managed to forgive himself for it - he couldn't see that happening for a _long_ while. But... they had moved past it, become closer. Cisco had thought so, anyway.

Sighing, Cisco dumped his unfinished slushy in the trash can, and stretched. There was no reason for him to stick around, but... Barry's broken voice resounded in his mind again, and Cisco winced. Now that he thought about it, he had been pretty close to figuring out a preliminary antiperspirant formula for the suit; boy, did Barry work up one hell of a sweat. He might as well work on that a little longer, since it was all fresh in his mind...

Half an hour later, Cisco had sequestered himself in his workroom. He was squinting through a microscope at a sample of liquid, with some unidentified rock music blaring from his phone - he suspected that Barry had snuck it on there, since he'd never heard it before in his life, and it certainly wasn't the type of music he normally listened to. Tonight though, it fit his mood perfectly. He was just adjusting the strength of the microscope when a rush of lightning entered the cortex. Cisco jumped, causing the main flask of antiperspirant to tip off the side of the desk. Thankfully, Barry caught it, and set it back before Cisco even had time to blink.

"Barry! You're... you're back. I, uh, wasn't expecting you, figured you just went home, or - something..." Cisco snapped his mouth shut, and rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly. He forced himself to look up at Barry, who was staring at the floor, motionless. For someone who fidgeted constantly, and could literally vibrate with speed, it was an extremely odd look on Barry.

"I was... running," Barry said finally. "I, uh..." he gave a humourless, breathy laugh. "I made it all the way past Coast City, actually."

"I'm glad I've been working on an antiperspirant for my suit, then," Cisco said automatically. This prompted another half laugh from Barry, and then, _then_ , he met Cisco's eyes.

"It's my fault that someone died tonight."

Barry cleared his throat, and blinked slowly. Cisco's gaze caught on the way his eyelashes brushed the top of his cheeks.

"No, Barry, it wasn't," Cisco protested. He pushed himself out of his chair, and made to step towards Barry. Barry flinched, the tiniest flicker, and Cisco stopped. "Barry..."

"I should have done more, I should have been faster!" Barry clenched one hand into a fist. "But I wasn't! And I failed. I killed her."

"Listen to me."

Cisco took a deep breath, and took the two required steps into Barry's personal space. This time, Barry didn't recoil, but he immediately dropped his eyes to the floor again.

"Cisco... don't."

"Uh uh, it's my turn. Barry, you have saved so many people already. And yes, someone died tonight. We both missed the second gunman. But, Barry - you are never going to be able to save everyone. It's impossible. Sometimes... people die." Cisco's hands gestured arbitrarily in the space between them. "You just have to look at the bigger picture. Focus on the people you have saved, the people that you _can_ save."

Barry swallowed audibly. Cisco thought that he might be trembling, but that might've just been the speed force in his system, it was hard to tell.

"You're a hero, Barry."

Barry let out a tiny gasp, and his shoulders began to crumple. Cisco caught Barry, and gently tugged him closer.

"Cisco, you - I just, I don't - I can't get her face out of my _head_ -"

"I know, Barry." Cisco reached up and pressed his hand to the nape of Barry's neck, and Barry slumped into Cisco, burying his face in Cisco's shoulder. Because Cisco _did_ know. He knew how he had felt, when he'd heard that Snart had killed people with the Cold Gun, something that _he_ had created. Cisco was responsible for that - and there was also nothing he could do to change it. What he could do was focus on stopping other meta-humans, saving other people.

He just hoped that he could help Barry do the same.

Cisco held Barry as he sobbed into his shirt, held him until he was taking deeper, calmer breaths, and not shaking as much as before. They stood, in the middle of Cisco's workroom, clinging to each other - just breathing. And then Barry let out a watery chuckle that tickled Cisco's neck.

"God, I am so glad that Dr. Wells and Caitlin aren't here."

Cisco made an indistinct noise of agreement, and turned his head slightly to the side, so that his nose was touching Barry's hair.

"What happens in the workroom stays in the workroom, dude."

Barry lifted his head from Cisco's shoulder. Cisco bit his lip at the loss of contact, and couldn't help flexing his fingers on the back of Barry's neck, unwilling to let go. Their eyes met, and Cisco's breath caught at the sight of the teardrops sparkling on Barry's eyelashes. Damn it, he was even pretty when he was a sobbing mess, that was beyond unfair.

"I know I probably don't say it enough, but... thank you, Cisco." Barry put a brave smile onto his face, and brought one hand up to clap Cisco's shoulder. Cisco was pretty sure that a shoulder clap usually didn't involve such a long, stroking touch, though. He'd have to do some more research to be sure. "I... I don't know where I'd be without you."

Cisco swallowed, a lump suddenly in his throat, and he pasted a smile onto his own face that was only half forced.

"What are friends for, right?"

 

3.

"Hey, dude, what's up! Have you eaten yet? Oh man, you probably already ate, right? You know, that doesn't _really_ matter, because I can eat, like, all of these anyway, but - um, are you going to let me in before one of your neighbours sees me and wonders why I'm carrying ten boxes of pizza?"

Cisco's mouth had been hanging open since the moment he'd opened his door to find Barry standing outside his apartment. Or, to be more accurate, to find a haphazard pile of pizza suspended in midair, with only Barry's clutching hands and skinny legs in sight. As if that wasn't enough, several plastic bags hung from Barry's wrists. Barry finally poked his head around the side of the stack to grimace at Cisco.

Cisco blinked at him.

"I'm gonna take that as a 'please, come in Barry, make yourself at home!', because these are actually pretty heavy, and I am _starving_."

"Uh - sure, sorry! - um, come in, Barry."

Cisco stepped to one side. One second later, Barry had dumped his mountain of food on Cisco's coffee table, and was back to shut the apartment door, grinning brightly at Cisco.

"I know I probably should have called," Barry started. "It's just, I was at the CCPD catching up on paperwork, and then I realised I hadn't had dinner and my stomach was, like, eating itself, and then I remembered it was Friday and that it's usually our night that we hang out, and - I'm not, um, interrupting anything, am I?"

Barry waved a hand over Cisco, and Cisco looked down at himself. And promptly thanked all the gods that he physically couldn't blush, because _hell_ , if he could, he would absolutely be blushing right now.

He was dressed in a thin Star Wars singlet, and matching boxers that felt far too short for the current occasion. Cisco glanced back up at Barry to find him chewing on his bottom lip, eyes stuck on Cisco's chest, and Cisco's heart did _not_ skip a beat.

"No, you're not - you're _so_ not interrupting anything, dude," Cisco said. "Yes, I'm already in my pyjamas, and yes, it's literally nine o'clock, but..." he sighed, and shrugged helplessly.

There was a thoughtful pause, and then there was a blur of lightning, before Barry reappeared in front of him.

Wearing far less clothes than before.

Ugh, why hadn't Cisco picked out his longer, baggier sweatpants to wear tonight?

"I just... figured that if you were in your pyjamas, it was only right that I should be too," Barry announced cheerfully. A few beats of silence, and then Barry's hand flew to his forehead. "Uh! That is, not in your pyjamas that you're currently wearing... because that would be... _so_ weird..." Barry's cheeks were flaming pink - but technically, that could be a side effect of his speed. Cisco should probably check that out with Caitlin.

Huh. Hang on. Barry was wearing a dark red singlet, and matching boxers that had little lightning bolts all over them...

"...are those _my_ pyjamas?"

"Hey, it's called improvising."

Cisco inhaled through his nose and tried _really hard_ not to think about the very real fact that Barry fucking Allen was wearing _his_ pyjamas. His Flash pyjamas, no less. There was a time and place for that particular image, and now was so not the time. Also problematic: Barry now knew that Cisco owned Flash pyjamas.

"You're not, uh, going on a date with Linda, or something?" Cisco said, his forehead wrinkling involuntarily.

"What? No - _no_. I think she had something else on anyway. But Fridays are our night... you know?"

Cisco definitely did _not_ do an internal happy dance at that.

"Um, also, I may have brought a copy of 'Toy Story 3'? It's just, the other day, you said you couldn't believe that I hadn't seen it, and that it was really good, especially for a sequel, and so I figured we could watch it together..."

Okay, there was officially something... _different_ about tonight. About Barry. Like, the dude fidgeted a lot even for a normal person, but tonight, it was like Barry was literally vibrating with some sort of nervous energy. Not to mention the babbling. Cisco closed his eyes for a moment, and took a calming breath. Considering that some days, all it took to provoke Cisco's perpetual ball of anxiety was someone shouting "BOO!" behind him, Barry's edginess wasn't doing Cisco any favours. Exhaling noisily, he opened his eyes again and cast around for any kind of distraction. That was when he spotted the discarded plastic bags on the floor. Wait. He recognised the packaging that was sticking out the top...

"Is that...?"

"Huh?" Barry followed Cisco's eyeline. "Oh! Yes! I almost forgot," Barry exclaimed, and then he was shoving the bag into Cisco's hands. "I stopped by that little store you like, and picked up some of those banana chips that aren't actually banana chips, but look like banana chips, and -"

"You bought me plantain chips?" Cisco asked, and damn, if his knees weren't feeling a little weak.

"Yes?" Barry said, raising his voice as if he wasn't actually sure. "I mean... they're your favourite, right?"

"Forever and always," Cisco said with feeling. He looked up at Barry, whose eyes softened visibly. The nerves that were manifesting in Cisco's belly began to recede. Honestly. This was _Barry_. They'd spent countless evenings together, blobbing out on the sofa with snacks, watching movies. Granted, usually Cisco would be the one bugging Barry about coming over, and he hadn't even realised that Barry knew he had a weakness for plantain chips - but this was totally a normal night. Him and Barry, just hanging out. Being bros. There was nothing to be nervous about. Cisco cleared his throat, and grinned.

"Okay, so. Pizza, snacks, and a movie. Sounds like a date!"

Oh, _fuck_.

Some things really needed to stay inside his own head.

"I mean, not like a _date_ date, ha! I mean, like, more of an appointment kind of date -"

An appointment. Seriously? They weren't going to the fucking dentist. Cisco bit his tongue to shut himself up.

"Right, of course, I, I knew what you meant. It's a... pizza/movie appointment, right?" Barry laughed a little, and bounced on his heels. To make matters worse, Barry was fidgeting with the hem of the pyjama singlet (of _Cisco's_ pyjama singlet) in a really distracting manner. Like, Barry had to know what sort of ideas Cisco's mind was suggesting right now. Like how easy it would be to grab Barry's hand, and lift that singlet up over his head... Cisco's grin was slipping into maniacal territory, so he quickly busied himself with rescuing the plantain chips from the plastic bag.

Just a normal night.

And once they were both settled on Cisco's sofa, 'Toy Story 3' beginning in the background, it actually was feeling pretty normal. Barry was on his fourth pizza, Cisco was cradling the bag of plantain chips close to his chest... and his heart rate was no faster than it usually was whenever he was in proximity of Barry.

"I hope you've got some Kleenex in one of those bags down there," Cisco said, nudging one of the plastic bags with his toe. Barry froze, his next slice of pizza halfway to his mouth.

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

"Oh, dude, didn't I tell you this movie's sad?"

Barry rolled his eyes, and returned to shoving the whole slice of pizza into his mouth.

"Pffft. Cisco, please. It's a kids' film. There are like, rules, or something, about how sad they're allowed to be." Barry swallowed loudly, and narrowed his eyes. "Apart from 'The Lion King'. Still gets me every time."

"Amen," Cisco nodded. "But trust me, there's this moment near the end when the toys are -"

"Spoilers!" Barry yelped, and the next thing Cisco knew, Barry's hand was covering his mouth. Cisco stared, wide-eyed, at Barry, who just stared back. Was it just Cisco's mind playing tricks on him, or was Barry sitting a whole lot closer to Cisco than he had been a moment ago?

"Um, Barry?" Cisco tried to say, when it became apparent that Barry wasn't moving his hand away. His lips brushed against Barry's warm palm.

"Right, sorry. Just. No spoilers, alright?"

Barry removed his hand, but the rest of his body stayed put, meaning that their shoulders were almost touching, and Cisco's knees were curled up next to Barry's thigh. Thankfully, he'd had enough foresight to toss a couple of blankets onto the sofa, so their skin wasn't in direct contact - because, wow, that would be way too much for Cisco to handle right now.

"Okay, no spoilers," Cisco promised, unable to stop a small smile tugging at his mouth.

"Thank you," Barry answered, but the lazy smirk on his face took the prudishness out of the comment. Cisco still felt it was necessary to flick a plantain chip at him, though. Predictably, Barry caught it before it hit him, and with a wink at Cisco, he threw it into his mouth.

"Mmmmm, I forgot how good these are."

Barry made a happy groaning noise, eyelashes dragging lightly over his cheeks. Man, Barry played with dirty tactics. With only the smallest amount of regret, Cisco held out the plantain chips.

"Oh! No, I bought them for you, Cisco."

"I know," Cisco raised an eyebrow. "Which means I can do whatever I want with them. Including sharing them with you."

Barry's face split into one of his beautiful, eye-crinkling smiles, and he lent closer to snag a handful.

"You're the best."

"And don't I know it," Cisco grinned.

"...I may have bought three more bags of them, to be on the safe side."

"How did I ever live without you?" Cisco said dramatically, flashing a wide grin at Barry. Barry's cheeks were pleasantly flushed again; he was lucky that red suited him perfectly.

They settled back into the movie. Barry seemed to be watching attentively, but since Cisco had already seen it a couple of times, he divided his attention between the movie, the plantain chips, and Barry. Barry eventually tucked his feet up on the sofa, and at some point - Cisco wasn't sure exactly who initiated it - their shoulders ended up pressed firmly together, so that they were practically holding each other upright. The thing about wearing singlets, though, meant that Barry's warm skin was radiating against Cisco's, kind of like his own personal heater. Not that he was cold. Like, at all. Being so close to Barry definitely prevented that, both physiologically and psychologically.

Cisco was chewing on a raspberry twist when _the_ scene arrived. He was able to pinpoint the moment Barry realised that the movie was about to emotionally compromise him, because Barry's body tensed up next to him, and he was carefully holding his breath. The toys all exchanged meaningful looks, and it was only using his strong willpower - and the fact that he _knew_ what was coming - that Cisco was able to stop himself tearing up.

Barry, on the other hand, had no such advantage.

A barely audible sniffle.

Cisco looked determinedly at the screen, still sucking on his raspberry twist.

A louder sniff, emphatically more wet.

The music swelled to an impossible crescendo...

"This is awful!" Barry's voice cracked, and Cisco thought it was probably time for him to take pity on Barry. He turned his attention away from the movie to look at Barry, not entirely surprised to see tear tracks down his cheeks. "How is this allowed?!" Barry ripped his gaze away from the screen, and stared at Cisco desperately. "I hate this movie!"

"And we're not even at the end yet," he supplied helpfully, then winced when Barry gave him a red-rimmed glare. Barry struggled through another wet sniffle, and scrubbed at his cheeks with a curled fist. Cisco felt a fond smile threaten to take over his face, and - huh, weird, he was also somehow leaning closer to Barry, so close that he could probably count the freckles on Barry's face if he were so inclined...

"I didn't bring any Kleenex," Barry confessed in a whisper. Cisco's arm had found its way along the top of the sofa, inches away from curling around Barry's neck - and then Barry sniffed again, startling Cisco from his thoughts. He sighed.

"On the table by my bed."

Barry was back before Cisco could finish blinking, and blew his nose so loudly that Cisco actually covered his ear with his hand. When he was finished deafening Cisco, Barry met his eyes sheepishly, one side of his mouth turned upwards.

"Shoulda listened to you, huh."

It was hard to tell whether Barry was more upset at the actual movie, or at the fact that Cisco had been right. Either way, Barry sighed miserably, and sunk back into the sofa's cushions. When he then proceeded to bring out his adorable pout, Cisco's self control shattered. He threw his strategically placed arm around Barry's shoulders, and scooted closer so that they fit together in a messy cuddle.

"Real men are in touch with their emotions, and can appreciate great works of art like 'Toy Story 3'," Cisco said sagely against Barry's temple. Barry shivered slightly; Cisco supposed that Barry's abnormally high body temperature was still adjusting to the physical contact with Cisco. Or something. Barry snorted in response, followed by another sniffle, but his body was relaxing against Cisco's. His hair tickled Cisco's cheek, and it smelled like blueberries.

"As long as I get to pick the next movie." Cisco felt, rather than heard, Barry's hoarse voice rumbling through Cisco's body. Barry raised his fist, about to rub at his eyes again, but Cisco lightly placed his fingers on Barry's wrist. He handed Barry another tissue, and smiled when Barry accepted it after a small, defiant pause.

"Deal. But no horror movies. I think we get enough of that in real life, and I _really_ don't need any more material for nightmares."

Barry chuckled. And blew his nose again.

"Rom-com it is, then."

 

4.

"Ow."

Cisco narrowed his eyes balefully at Caitlin, and she rolled her eyes in response.

"The ice will help, I promise."

Cisco sighed, and reapplied the small icepack to his bruised face, hissing lightly. It was so cold that it burned. He was perched on the edge of the medical bed, and Caitlin was hovering over him, checking her scanner for a readout of Cisco's vitals. It was both familiar and foreign at the same time; usually, Barry was the one being assessed, while Cisco worried on the sidelines.

Barry was currently MIA.

Cisco glanced over at the cortex out of habit - not _quite_ expecting Barry to come whooshing in, but... it was still empty. Barry had already returned after his forest encounter with Snart, only staying long enough to explain their less than ideal agreement, before departing as quickly as he'd arrived. In the tense silence that had followed, Dr. Wells had disappeared into his lab, which gave Caitlin the opportunity to finally corner Cisco for an examination.

Despite what Barry had said earlier... _I'm the one who's sorry_... Barry obviously didn't want to see him. Cisco recognised the stabbing at his heart, from all the other times he'd hurt Barry. He let out a long breath, wincing as his ribs gave a dull throb. Bruised, just like the rest of him.

"So. Dr. Snow. Are you going to tell me _why_ Barry was also using this icepack earlier today?" Cisco raised an eyebrow at Caitlin. She pressed her lips together in a disapproving thin line.

"Because for such a smart guy, he can be a complete idiot a lot of the time."

"...right."

"Cisco..." Caitlin began, chewing on her bottom lip, and attempting to catch Cisco's eyes. "You have to know that none of us are mad at you, for revealing Barry's identity. You didn't have a choice. I would have done the exact same thing in your position."

There was a lump in his throat that made swallowing difficult. Dr. Wells had already given him this speech. Cisco was almost embarrassed about how relieved he'd felt, when he realised that he didn't have to leave STAR Labs. Leave his _home_. But while Dr. Wells may have convinced him of that, he did _not_ convince him that what he'd done was right. That he hadn't put Barry in danger.

Again.

"Yeah," Cisco allowed, doing his best to avoid her piercing gaze. "But... how would you feel, if you betrayed Ronnie?" Cisco's voice stuck in his throat. "It just really freaking sucks."

"I know," Caitlin said softly. She set her scanner aside with measured movements, and opened her arms to pull Cisco into a hug. Cisco almost expected his eyes to start stinging - but he figured he was pretty cried out. He let Caitlin smooth her hand over his back, wincing when she pressed on a tender spot where Heatwave had kicked him. Being the impeccable doctor that she was, Caitlin noticed, and withdrew.

"I suppose you can probably stop with the icepack," she relented, and Cisco gratefully handed it back to her. "You know... Barry's suit isn't back in its case yet. Which means he's probably around STAR Labs somewhere."

"Not interested in any more torture tonight, thanks," Cisco muttered, gingerly slipping back into his hoodie. He peered up just in time to see Caitlin rolling her eyes again.

"I swear, you two seriously enjoy making things harder for yourselves," she commented, in a voice that suggested so much more than she was saying. Cisco's mouth hung open while she busied herself with packing away her various medical instruments.

_Shit - Caitlin knows?_

"That is - just, _so_ not true," spluttered Cisco, actively ignoring the double entendre of Caitlin's statement. A thudding headache was starting to surface, and he ran a hand over the less bruised side of his face.

If Caitlin knew, or even guessed, how Cisco felt... if it was that obvious, it might mean that other people knew as well. Oh, god. What if Dr. Wells suspected something? What if, Cisco thought faintly, Joe, an actual fucking detective, trained to notice things... what if he knew too? Then, it would be only a matter of time until Barry knew, and then... something terrible would happen. Cisco wasn't sure exactly what that terrible thing would be - but it would be _awful_. He _was_ sure about that.

"...just so oblivious!" Caitlin's grumbling suddenly cut through the blood rushing in Cisco's ears, and Cisco began to panic. Like, a lot. Heart hammering, he stood up, barely resisting the urge to give in to his flight instinct. "Even Dr. Wells made a comment the other day to me, and if that isn't a clue -"

"Caitlin, what exactly are you trying to say?" Cisco said, unable to hide the tremble in his voice. Caitlin paused, her gaze sweeping over Cisco. She sighed, any trace of annoyance in her features morphing into pity, and a touch of guilt.

"Nothing. I'm sorry - forget I said anything. You need to go home, get some rest. Take the day off tomorrow. Doctor's orders," she added, with a kind smile.

"I..." Cisco swallowed thickly. "I'll have to go see Dante first - he's still in the emergency room. And I said I'd take him home after."

"Are you sure you're okay to drive? I could give you both a ride," Caitlin suggested. Cisco shook his head silently.

"He's not finished there yet, he said he'd txt me. Um... and I kinda want to check something, before I leave." His flickered glance at the computer console denounced his unspoken intentions, and Caitlin sent him another supportive smile.

"Barry forgives you, Cisco. I promise. Just... talk to him, okay?"

Cisco nodded numbly. His throat felt as if hot ash was clawing through it, and his heart was still racing.

"I'll call you tomorrow, see how you're feeling. I have to go and sort out a potential problem..." Caitlin said, gathering her bag and coat.

"Anything I can help with?" Cisco frowned.

"No," Caitlin smiled. "If my idea works, hopefully it'll help _you_."

"...okay," Cisco said, both eyebrows raised to his hairline. "You are officially being cryptic, just so you're aware."

"Noted," Caitlin threw over her shoulder as she left the cortex. "Goodnight!"

"Night," Cisco called back. He took a deep breath, letting himself slump into his computer chair. Gave himself a moment, to try and collect the parts of himself that felt shattered apart. And then he pulled up the security camera feed for STAR Labs.

It didn't take him long to spot Barry. He was sitting in one of his favourite hiding spots, outside the pipeline, curled in upon himself.

Did Cisco still have the right to go down there? Had he _ever_ had the right? He jiggled his leg up and down, stomach crawling, before slowly pushing himself upright.

Being kidnapped, feeling like there was a distinct possibility that he might die - sitting in that room, chained to that table - Cisco had finally let himself think about his ridiculous crush on Barry. Deep down, he'd known all along, but... it was only now that he could actually admit to himself that his ridiculous crush on Barry wasn't a ridiculous crush at all. Ridiculous, yes - hopelessly so - but a mere _crush_?

Not a chance in hell.

The pixelated image of Barry wasn't enough to prepare Cisco for the actual sight of him. He was, just as Caitlin had said, still in the suit - _their_ suit. His knees were drawn into his body, his face hidden from view. Cisco opened his mouth to announce his arrival, but then Barry let out a sob, and it sounded so raw, so painful, that Cisco's breath stuttered, and he stumbled to a stop. His footsteps must have given him away, though, as Barry jerked his head up.

"Cisco! Hey. Um." Barry hurriedly wiped at his face with the sleeves of the suit, pasting a smile on his face.

This wasn't the first time that Cisco had seen Barry crying, not by a long shot. Barry was, well, a crier. And Cisco related to that on a deep level, which meant that he felt completely equipped to deal with tears. Usually.

But this time, Barry looked just as broken as Cisco felt. Small. Cisco's throat was dry as his mind reeled, trying to come up with any possible thing he could say, but there was just _nothing_ -

"Um, how - how are you feeling? Did Caitlin take a look at you yet?"

Cisco shook his head blankly, but not in response to Barry's question - it was the fact that here Barry was, falling apart, and he was still asking about how _Cisco_ was doing. It was this, more than anything, that propelled Cisco forwards.

"Barry, what's wrong?"

Biting his lip hard, Barry forced a wider smile.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"This isn't what 'fine' looks like, Barry."

"Seriously, I'm good," Barry sniffed. His smile quivered. "Snart didn't even put up a fight. You - you're the one who was -"

"Barry, stop," Cisco said gently, and carefully lowered himself to sit beside Barry. He maintained a deliberate couple of inches between them. Barry's eyelashes were clumped with tears, and his eyes were impossibly red, as was his nose. "What's wrong?"

Barry didn't answer, just let out a choked gasp, and wrapped his arms around his legs once more. Cisco's hands ached to reach out to Barry, to touch him, to comfort him - but it was clearly his fault that Barry was like this, and his limbs felt as heavy as lead. He'd never felt like his touch would be unwelcome to Barry before. And Barry would not fucking meet his eyes.

Maybe he'd made a mistake after all, deciding to stay at STAR Labs.

"I'm so sorry, Barry," Cisco said, in a tiny voice. "I never wanted to hurt you."

Barry turned to Cisco, his mouth open slightly.

"What? Cisco - that's, _no_. _I've_ hurt _you_." Barry lifted a trembling arm up to Cisco's bruised face, stopping a few centimetres away from touching it. "It's my fault that Snart kidnapped you and your brother. I couldn't find you - I _failed_ , Cisco. I'm the reason he hurt you. He could have -" Barry inhaled sharply, and swallowed audibly. "You could have died, because of me," Barry's voice broke, and he looked away again.

Well that was... the complete opposite of what Cisco had expected to hear. Barry was supposed to be upset that Snart knew his identity... supposed to be worried about the literal and figurative loaded gun that Cisco had handed Snart. Not to mention Heatwave, and Golden Glider. But instead... Barry was worried about _him._

"I... Barry..." Cisco whispered helplessly. He'd slipped an arm around Barry's shoulders before really registering his own actions; Barry was shaking like he'd just downed several espresso shots.

"I can't lose you, Cisco. I can't."

Cisco couldn't breathe. His fingers were digging into Barry's shoulder, and he wasn't sure whether the tremors running through his body were from Barry, or himself.

"You won't, Barry. Ever. I promise."

Barry let out a wet laugh, his head whipping around so quickly that Cisco's vision blurred momentarily.

"You know you can't promise that."

Cisco swallowed thickly, refusing to look away or admit that Barry was right. Not when every fibre of his being disagreed. Barry almost laughed, shaking his head a little, and then he leaned forwards, to rest his forehead against Cisco's. It was warm, despite the trembling, and Cisco's eyes fluttered shut automatically. They were so close that Cisco could tilt his head, and their lips would meet...

"Barry," Cisco breathed, and their noses brushed for the briefest of milliseconds. "Last night, when you said that you felt like you were going to move forward with someone special..."

"I was wrong," Barry murmured. Cisco bit into his cheek, and tensed his body against the acute jab of pain in his chest. He'd known the blow would come, known he shouldn't have asked, but that knowledge didn't make it any less gut-wrenching. Cisco had been a fool to even hope... _Go ahead, Barry_. Fuck. He had to control his breathing. However, he was unable to stop his fingers twitching on Barry's neck, betraying his desire to leave, to get as far away as he could.

"Stay," gasped Barry, as if he'd read Cisco's mind. "Please, Cisco? Just. Stay?"

Cisco was nodding before Barry had even finished.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Wrapping up his own pain into a separate bundle, and tucking it away for later, was a blessing in disguise. Cisco wasn't ready to face the fact that Barry might not -

\- he shivered, and Barry's grip on him tightened. They both breathed each other in, drifting into calm, steady breaths, until Barry finally stopped shaking. Somewhere along the line, Barry's arms had ended up tangled around Cisco's waist, and Cisco's thumb was rubbing the nape of Barry's neck.

They remained in this floating kind of limbo, as if time wasn't even a thing that existed, until both of their phones beeped within seconds of each other, and they were brought back to reality.

Barry prised his arms free from Cisco, and dug into his pocket for his phone. Cisco let his arm slide down to rest on the small of Barry's back, and used his other hand to check his own phone.

"It's Dante," Cisco sighed. "He's finished at the hospital, asked if I can give him a ride home."

Barry looked up from his phone with a frown.

"Caitlin txted me - she said she's with Iris and Eddie at Jitters... they want to talk to me, apparently."

"Right," Cisco managed. He cleared his throat, feeling suddenly awkward. "Um, you might want to -" Cisco started, before simply reaching up to wipe away a few errant tears from Barry's face. Barry turned his face into Cisco's hand, and Cisco stilled. It seemed like they were both reluctant to move, as if they could hide down here forever.

"Thanks," Barry said, one corner of his mouth turning upwards. They slowly got to their feet, Barry avoiding Cisco's eyes. He made to leave, but Cisco stopped him with a hand on his wrist, even as his chest was splintering with rejection.

"Barry."

"Yeah, Cisco?"

"Just... I'm sorry."

"...me too."

 

5.

Damn Barry and his evil, seductive time machine scheming.

 _Of course_ Cisco wanted to build a time machine. What self-respecting scientist in the whole universe wouldn't? And Barry - oh, that absolute shit. Asking Cisco to build a time machine, with those puppy eyes and that pout. That Barry damn well knew were irresistible. Cisco couldn't decide whether to yell at him, or kiss him. Even though kissing was definitely against the new set of rules he'd made for himself - it was something that he was actively trying to avoid, actually. Avoid _thinking_ about, even.

Forbidden thoughts of kissing aside: Barry also knew how vehemently opposed Cisco was to being an accomplice to putting Barry in danger. (For the _billionth_ time. He literally didn't think his heart could take much more.) He'd made his concerns known pretty vocally, after all. But changing Barry's mind, once he'd finally made his decision... to be honest, inventing a time machine was probably easier.

Since Snart - since they'd found out that Dr. Wells was really Dr. Evil - Cisco had been maintaining a measured distance between himself and Barry. In fairness, they'd all been pretty busy with the Dr. Wells/Reverse Flash fiasco, and that wasn't including all the other problems like the Trickster, Grodd, and even Team Arrow... but on the nights that they blissfully got a reprieve, Cisco hadn't actively sought out Barry's company. He couldn't remember the last movie night they'd had. Their random acts of petty crime fighting on the streets had taken a back seat. It wasn't like he didn't _speak_ to Barry - but they'd kind of slipped into a professional, working relationship. Totally healthy and normal.

And it was better, for everyone. Cisco still didn't understand why he could remember the alternate timeline. Who knew what was broken inside of him? Barry had enough to worry about, without worrying about him too. And clearly Barry was heading in an entirely different direction, in terms of romance. How exactly had Barry put it? ...he was about to move forward with someone really _special_. Someone that obviously wasn't Cisco. So, distance. A fool proof plan, to dismantle Cisco's ridiculous not-crush once and for all.

In theory.

Which brought him back to the time machine, and the fact that he'd allowed himself, once again, to get wrapped up in Barry's big green eyes and long eyelashes, and get seduced by science. He was mad at Barry, that was a given, but he was even madder at himself.

Cisco was making his way down to the pipeline to ask Dr. Evil for help - and wasn't that a thrilling prospect - when Barry called out from behind him.

"Cisco, hey! Slow down."

The bitter retort flew from his mouth before Cisco could consider something more diplomatic.

"That's an ironic request, coming from you."

A warm hand caught his wrist, and Cisco stopped in the middle of the corridor with a sigh. Barry stood in front of him, frowning. He was still grasping Cisco's wrist - perhaps he thought Cisco would leave if he let go. Right now, Cisco was probably 60/40.

"Are you okay?"

Barry was watching him cautiously, as if he was, like, a chemical experiment that might spontaneously explode.

"Yeah. I'm great."

He didn't even believe _himself_ , so it came as no surprise when Barry raised his eyebrows. So unfair; he'd totally stolen that move off Cisco.

"Are you sure?"

Cisco tugged his hand free from Barry's hold, and crossed his arms tightly.

"Absolutely."

Barry's lips twitched, threatening to pout. Cisco steeled himself, just in case.

"I just thought, with everything that's been going on - and everything's been moving so fast..."

" - wow, you really like those speed puns, don't you -"

"...we haven't really had much chance to talk lately," Barry ploughed on. His gaze was so earnest that Cisco didn't dare to keep eye contact - who knew _what_ he might say under such duress. "I'm just... I'm worried about you, Cisco."

Cisco bit his lip, and looked back up at Barry.

"Haven't you got enough to worry about?" he asked sternly, but softly. Barry's forehead creased even further. Shrugged one shoulder, helplessly.

"I... is this, um, a trick question?"

Ugh. This sort of conversation was exactly what Cisco had been trying to dodge, with the whole distance thing. _Nothing good_ could come of it. But. Those eyelashes.

Damn it.

"I just want to know if you're okay," Barry said, fidgeting with the cuffs of his shirt. "Because, well, you don't really seem okay."

Cisco let out a long breath.

"You're right, I'm not. I just... don't think there's anything you can do to help."

The pain played over Barry's face for a few moments - and Cisco knew Barry wasn't doing it on purpose, because he was a terrible actor. Then Barry shook his head like he was shaking water from his ears, and took a tiny step backwards.

"Uh, right, of - of course. I'm sorry. I'm sure there's a billion other people you'd rather speak to -"

"Wait."

Cisco's hand clamped around Barry's wrist of its own volition, a mirror of their previous stance. Barry blinked, seemingly startled by Cisco's sudden movement. Cisco found himself slumping against the corridor wall, his calm and collected facade starting to crack.

"I didn't mean that," he began haltingly. "I just - I don't want you to have to worry about me, Barry. You've got too much on your plate already."

Barry moved so that he was leaning against the wall like Cisco was.

"Cisco..." he said. "You're not, like, a burden, or whatever you think you are. You're my _friend_. Friends worry about each other, right? Friends talk to each other when something's wrong, right?"

"Right." Cisco swallowed past a lump in his throat, his gaze drifting down to where his own fingers were curling around Barry's pale skin. "I'm sorry." As Cisco was attempting to gather the mess of feelings and thoughts in his mind, and order them into something articulate, Barry seemed content to stand still, to allow Cisco to hold onto him so tightly that surely his blood circulation would be suffering. Cisco slowly raised his eyes to met Barry's again, and finally, _finally_ , he started talking.

"I didn't always like my life. I mean, if I had the chance to travel back in time, and change things - like, okay, a set of parents who didn't get me, at all... my golden boy brother..." Cisco snorted lightly, his lips curling. Barry's expression was carefully neutral, his focus intent on Cisco. "And then, school - oh my god, that was a nightmare. Where even the nerds hated me, that made me the biggest nerd of all... but then I started at STAR Labs, and things became pretty cool, actually. Didn't see my family as much, made actual, real friends, like Caitlin, and Ronnie... if my life had just stayed like that - like, if I'd reached my peak, and I was gonna just coast along from there... I mean, that would've been okay with me."

Cisco licked his lips, and it didn't escape his notice that Barry's eyes tracked the movement.

_Okay. The universe wasn't imploding on itself. Yet. Maybe this was... okay?_

He took a deep breath before continuing.

"But then, you came along, and my life became - insane, and amazing, and I just - I _love_ my life. And I know that Dr. Wells is an evil megalomaniac, but he's the only reason I met you, so I can't even really hate him -"

Cisco felt Barry's arm twitch, and Barry's mask slipped, exposing the guilt threading through his expression. And he was covering his mouth with hand, like he often did when he was trying to hide something, trying to stop Cisco seeing what he truly felt - so Cisco reached out with his other hand, and grabbed Barry's bicep, because he had a fair idea of what Barry was thinking, and Cisco _hadn't_ finished.

"Barry, I _want_ you to do this - I want you to save your family. You deserve that - so, so much. I'm not asking you to change your mind. I just... I just wish everything else didn't have to change as well." He cleared his throat, and was surprised when his next words came out slightly hoarse. "Because I can't imagine my life without you in it."

Barry was still concealing his mouth with his curled fingers, but his eyes were fixed unblinkingly on Cisco. Letting out an uneven breath, Cisco forced himself to loosen his uncomfortable grip on Barry - even if he _did_ want to hold on forever.

"Cisco," Barry said finally, and his voice was rough too. "I. I don't know what our lives are gonna be like, if I save my mom. But I don't think - I can't _imagine_ a world in which we don't end up being friends. I have to believe that - I _do_ believe that."

Cisco's heart was beating extra fast, like he'd just run a mile. It was so tempting to just agree with Barry - god, he wanted to. But.

"I mean, it'll be just like you remembered the other alternate timeline, right?" Barry carried on, gaining momentum. His eyes were glistening suspiciously though - and were they a bit closer than before, too? "You can do it again, I know you can. You can remember this timeline, and then - in the new timeline, we'll find each other."

"Barry..." Cisco's fingers were trembling, and he flexed his fingers around Barry's arms to try and make them stop. "We don't know why I remembered the alternate timeline. It was only one day that time. I don't know if I can remember _years_."

"I don't believe that," Barry said. He was staring at Cisco so intently that Cisco had to blink, and look away. "Cisco."

"Barry -" Cisco shook his head, feeling suddenly very tired. "Just - don't worry about it. Okay? You can't fix this - I don't expect you to. I'll be fine. You'll be fine. Everything will work out how it's supposed to."

"No - you can't think like that -"

"I get it, Barry," Cisco said gently. "It's okay. You have to do this - and, in the new timeline, we won't even know that we ever knew each other. We could probably, like, bump into each other on the street, or something, and we wouldn't even realise. So we won't miss each other. Right?"

His voice broke on the word 'miss', and he glanced back in time to see Barry biting his lip hard.

"I'd miss you, Cisco. I know I would," Barry said, so quietly that Cisco almost didn't catch it. "And I'm going to remember you."

"You can't promise that."

Now Cisco's voice was shaking, along with every other part of him, and a solitary tear escaped down Barry's cheek, falling impossibly slow.

"Can't I?" Barry whispered. "What if there was something that you'd never be able to forget?"

And then Barry was leaning in, so close that Cisco could probably count Barry's individual eyelashes if he wanted to, if it weren't for the fact that all he could look at was Barry's mouth, at his tongue that quickly darted over his lips. A small puff of Barry's breath tickled Cisco's face, and yet Barry seemed to have paused, kind of like he was - waiting for permission. It was that simple fact that tipped Cisco over the edge, flooded his stomach with a pure warmth, and prompted him to close the gap and press his lips against Barry's.

First thought: Barry's lips were _really_ warm and soft.

Second thought: Holy fucking Harry Potter, he was _kissing Barry Allen_.

He really needed to take a moment to bask in that.

Barry must have broken free from Cisco's grasp while he was (understandably) distracted, because he was cupping Cisco's jaw, tilting his head up, and - wow, his eyes were shut, when did _that_ happen? Cisco's own hands fumbled in midair, before falling onto Barry's waist, and it shouldn't feel this natural, and _yet_. All too soon, Barry was leaning back, breaking the kiss.

It took a few moments for Cisco to blink open his eyes. Barry was still holding Cisco's face, one thumb running along his cheek. Even so... he looked - nervous? Like he couldn't read Cisco. It was such a foreign look on Barry - _Barry_ , normally confident enough (and, yes, sometimes cocky - ugh, not the best word to be thinking about right now) that he had no qualms about baiting dangerous meta-humans. Barry, nervous. About Cisco.

Pffft. Those rules about no kissing needed some serious revision.

Cisco moved forwards to kiss Barry again, smiling as Barry made a small, pleased noise in response. He tugged on Barry's waist, and that was enough encouragement for Barry to whip them around so that he was pressing Cisco against the corridor wall. Barry's tongue flickered over Cisco's bottom lip, and Cisco let out a sigh that was muffled in Barry's mouth. The more anxious section of his brain was telling him that anyone could easily walk along the corridor and find them making out like teenagers, a scene straight out of some terrible one star high school movie - but for once, Cisco refused to listen to that voice. Kissing Barry felt so _right_ , like the world had finally slotted into place, and it was going to take a hell of a lot more than anxiety to stop him.

...like maybe the taste of salt.

Cisco opened his eyes and immediately saw that another tear had slipped down Barry's cheek. It felt like second nature at this point to lift a thumb to brush it aside.

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not," Cisco tried to joke, but his voice was too thick for it be effective. Barry gave a token snort of laughter regardless, and swallowed heavily.

"We'll find each other, right?"

Cisco caught the next tear with a kiss, having to push himself up on his tip-toes to reach Barry's cheekbone.

"I know we will, Barry."

 

+1.

Cisco may or may not have been just the tiniest bit tipsy. It was totally not his fault, either. It was Henry Allen's welcome home party, and naturally, there was a fair amount of alcohol available - and damn it, this was basically the first time that Team Flash had all been together since the singularity. First time they'd been happy since the singularity. Cisco was _so_ entitled to celebrate. And then there'd been the toast, which meant he needed another glass... and, yeah, slightly tipsy. Still well within functioning parameters, though. Just enough to make the universe extra sparkly and intense.

Speaking of sparkly and intense. The smile on Barry's face, when he'd walked through the door with his dad, had made Cisco's heart physically ache. It had been so long (six months to be exact) since he'd seen anything from Barry that had even approached a smile. About that long since he'd properly seen Barry at all, really. At first, after the singularity, things had been almost normal... but Barry had started pulling away, inch by inch, day by day, and Cisco hadn't known what to do. Hadn't known how to make it better. And so he, like everyone else, had let Barry go.

The amount of times he'd thought about that kiss, though - that mind-blowing, earth-shattering kiss. Cisco had honestly tried to forget that it had ever happened, but that had turned out to be an impossible task. He absolutely _never_ wondered if Barry thought about it as often as he did. Nope. And anyway, what was the freaking point in dwelling over it, because Barry had turned all Elsa ice queen on him, so clearly Barry _didn't_ think about it.

If he kept telling himself that, it would eventually be true, right?

Cisco set his empty glass down and decidedly did not get a refill. Instead, he scanning the room for Barry - yes, because he was shameless - but he couldn't see him anywhere. Henry was missing too - and, actually, so was Joe. Huh, weird. Maybe they were having a private dads-son meeting or something. Maybe now would be a good time to sneak another look at Barry's baby photos...

This plan was quickly foiled as Joe entered the living room, and made a beeline for Cisco.

"Cisco, you got a minute?"

The corners of Joe's mouth were turned down, and he was frowning indiscernibly. That was enough to cut through Cisco's buoyant mood and force him to focus on Joe.

"Yeah, Joe, what's up?"

"You might wanna go talk to Barry," Joe said. "He's, uh, had some bad news."

"What?" Cisco mirrored Joe's frown. "What's happened?"

"Just go talk to him, alright? He's in the foyer."

"Are you sure his _best friend_ shouldn't be the one going to talk to Barry?" Cisco wasn't afraid to admit that he had his hand on his hip - it was all that champagne, bringing out his inner sass. "As in, _not me_?"

Joe looked as if he wanted to roll his eyes.

"Of course you're not his best friend, Cisco!"

"Ouch," Cisco deadpanned, covering his heart with his hand. It was way harder than it should've been, to pretend that he wasn't actually hurt. "Way to make a guy feel special."

"...because you're _more_ than his best friend."

Cisco blinked. Opened his mouth, then closed it.

"I'm sorry. What did you just say?" The pitch of his voice rose attractively as he asked the question, feeling the familiar signs of panic seeping into his consciousness.

"Oh my god, this is above my pay grade," Joe muttered, more to himself than Cisco. And then he really did roll his eyes. He took Cisco by his elbow and started tugging him through the living room. "I'm not some relationship counsellor, no matter how often you kids treat me like one! Just - go, and talk to Barry. For everyone's sakes."

"Um," Cisco stammered, but thankfully he didn't have to come up with a more substantial answer, as Joe chose that moment to give him a gentle push towards the foyer. Thank god for alcohol, was Cisco's main thought, because otherwise he'd likely be in the midst of a full blown anxiety attack right now. He stumbled forwards a few steps into the foyer, only to find that Barry was nowhere to be seen. Henry, however, was slumped against the wall, looking even unhappier than Joe. His eyes snapped up when he heard Cisco.

"Hey, Cisco," Henry said softly. Cisco still couldn't get over how warm Henry was, towards all of them, despite this being only the second time they'd met. Cisco took a deep breath, and pasted a smile onto his face.

"Hey, Henry. Is - is Barry around?"

"He's upstairs, in his room. He... needed a moment," Henry sighed.

"Oh," Cisco said uncertainly.

"I just told him that I was leaving town for a while."

"You are?" Cisco blurted out, his eyes widening. That... made zero sense. Even without the champagne floating around his brain.

Henry gave a soft chuckle.

"Yeah. I need some fresh air, need to get out of the city. And... Barry doesn't need to be worrying about me, on top of everything else."

"...okay, I feel you on that one," Cisco breathed. He still hadn't told anyone what he'd seen when Atom Smasher showed up, or what Dr. Wells had told him in the pipeline. There was a short pause, in which Henry contemplated Cisco with an unreadable look on his face.

"You're a good kid, Cisco. I can tell that Barry cares about you a lot."

"You - uh, you got all that from today?" Cisco asked, chewing on his bottom lip. Henry shrugged.

"What can I say, Barry is terrible at hiding things from me."

"Right," Cisco said, feeling his skin heat up, and praying that today wasn't the day he started blushing. Henry seemed to know exactly what he was thinking.

"Don't worry about it, it's only noticeable if you know Barry like I do."

Cisco wasn't entirely sure that made him feel better. While he was reassembling his brain, Henry pushed himself away from the wall, and took a step towards the living room.

"I'm going to have some more cake," he announced. "Haven't had much opportunity to overindulge in the last fourteen years." Henry smiled at Cisco, and sent him a wink as he passed him. "Go get him, kid."

 _God_. That was one of the more embarrassing conversations he'd had in his life. Trying to make a good impression on Barry's father... Cisco groaned quietly to himself, and rubbed at his eyes. Ugh. None of that was even important right now... _Barry_ was important. Barry was probably upset - and even though he'd had hardly spoken to Cisco over the past six months, Cisco's chest still hurt at the mere idea.

He had to go up there.

As Cisco climbed the staircase, it occurred to him that he'd only been in Barry's bedroom a handful of times. Come to think of it, Barry hadn't really spent much time in _his_ bedroom either. It just seemed... wrong, somehow - mismatched with their level of intimacy. Oh, wow, thinking about intimacy and bedrooms in the same sentence... that was so not where Cisco wanted his brain at right now. Cisco knocked lightly on Barry's closed door, and pushed it open after waiting a few moments.

Barry was sitting on the edge of his bed, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. He made no move to show that he'd heard Cisco, but when Cisco lowered himself onto the bed next to him, Barry didn't flinch in surprise. In fact, Barry remained completely still, until a sob shuddered through his shoulders.

"Oh, Barry..." Cisco murmured. He looped an arm around Barry and gently coaxed him sideways. The speed with which Barry folded himself into Cisco betrayed how upset he truly was. Cisco tucked Barry's head under his chin, so that his face was buried in his neck, and slid his fingers through the ends of Barry's short hair. Fitting their bodies together felt as instinctive as breathing, and yet, it seemed like they were both very conscious of the fact that it had been six months since they'd truly touched. Cisco hoped that he wouldn't be asked to explain why he was clinging to Barry this closely, just breathing him in, as if he wasn't sure whether he'd have another chance to. During Barry's six-month solo superhero career, there'd been so many times that Barry could have - if something had gone seriously wrong - and Cisco wouldn't have been able to do anything, wouldn't have even _known_.

Hearing Barry gasp for breath, as well as feeling the full-body shudders run through Barry's body, was enough to bring a lump to Cisco's own throat. He bit down on his bottom lip firmly. He was _not_ allowed to cry - not right now, that was. Barry needed him to be fine, to be strong. In an effort to distract himself, he began muttering random words of comfort into Barry's ear. Stupid, reckless things like "you're okay, babe" and "I've got you, Barry". Things he could plausibly try to blame on the alcohol if Barry ever brought it up. (Yeah, he definitely wasn't _that_ tipsy. But nobody else had to know that.) It kind of felt like he was holding Barry together - like he might shatter if Cisco let go. Clearly, Barry had been bottling all this up , and more, for a long while, and he'd finally found an outlet.

"I get why he has to go," Barry whispered, an unidentified amount of time later. Cisco hummed indistinctly, his chest vibrating with the sound. "But... it just feels like everyone I love always leaves." Cisco's fingers froze in Barry's hair. "I can't be alone anymore. I tried so hard, but I just can't do it." Barry exhaled harshly. "It's so selfish, I know - but I can't help it."

Cisco's mouth fell open, and in spite of his best efforts, he was surprised to feel a tear rolling slowly down his cheek.

"Barry - you're the least selfish person I know!" He was clutching at Barry's shoulder too tightly, but he couldn't think of a single, convincing reason to loosen his grip. "Human beings literally aren't wired to be alone. Ask Caitlin, she will back me up with science, man."

This extracted a small laugh from Barry, quickly followed by a sob. Another tear fell down Cisco's cheek, but he didn't bother with wiping them away. His hands were much more importantly occupied right now.

"I've missed you, Cisco," Barry breathed, a long minute later.

Cisco took a deep breath that he was sure Barry would feel.

"I've missed you too."

Barry moved his head so that it was still resting on Cisco's shoulder, but so he could talk without being muffled by Cisco's chest.

"I've thought about you a lot."

"Oh, really?" Cisco asked, trying his utmost to sound like the suave, cool human being that he completely was.

"Really."

Not being able to see Barry's expression was making this conversation way more nerve-wracking than Cisco could handle right now. Moving positions, however, was the last thing on Cisco's mental to-do list.

"And, um, what did these thoughts entail, exactly?"

"Well... it'd be easier to show you," Barry said, and he raised his head so it was level with Cisco's. Barry's nose nudged against Cisco's cheek for an agonisingly long moment, before Barry finally tilted his head and met Cisco's lips with his own. And, _god_. Cisco had spent six months remembering what it felt like to kiss Barry Allen, and dude, did that memory pale spectacularly in comparison to the real thing. Who even cared if everything tasted unseasonably salty? Barry's soft grunt suggested that he didn't mind. And then Barry was uncurling one hand from his shirt, and sinking his fingers into Cisco's hair - holy _fuck_ , that seriously felt better than anything _ever_. Cisco broke off to gasp, he couldn't help it, but he quickly made up for it by deepening the kiss, which prompted a tiny moan from Barry. When Barry gave the barest tug on his hair, Cisco had to pull away, half certain that he was about to pass out, or something equally romantic. His heart was racing crazy fast, but in the best possible way. Barry's breath was hot on Cisco's skin.

"So that was..." Barry panted, trailing his fingers through the length of Cisco's hair.

"Amazing? Heart-stopping? Hot favourite to win the number one onscreen kiss of the century? Those are just my initial thoughts, but I can keep going, if you want."

Barry gave an honest to god giggle, which was only slightly marred by the sniff that followed.

"I would agree with all of those."

"Damn right you would," Cisco mumbled, almost getting distracted by the light playing over Barry's eyelashes. Almost. Barry was drifting closer to Cisco once more, but Cisco produced one finger and held it to Barry's lips, narrowing his eyes. Barry's own eyes widened, like a wounded deer.

"Wha-"

"You have to promise me that you're not going to turn all angsty, Oliver Queen on me ever again, alright? No more being the lone wolf superhero. Because - it really sucked, okay? Like, not the working with Joe part, because he's actually the best, but - like, everything else sucked. And I had no one to go see 'Jurassic World' with, which was a true shame because, man, that movie was dope -"

"Deal," Barry whispered. Cisco felt a smile forming on Barry's lips, beneath his finger.

"Good," he huffed, doing a terrible impression of a stern teacher. They smiled dopily at each other for several seconds, before a crease appeared in Barry's forehead. Then he reached out to trail his fingers over Cisco's cheeks, collecting a stray tear.

"I've had a few too many champagnes; what's your excuse?" Cisco said, lifting one corner of his mouth. Barry snorted, and rolled his eyes.

"Okay. I've got a deal to propose too. In future, no more kissing while one of us is crying. Unless it's in extreme circumstances. Got it? It kinda kills the buzz, just a little bit."

"Oh, so there's gonna be more kissing, huh?" Cisco teased, unable to stop the broad grin currently taking over his face. Barry blushed, which was one of Cisco's favourite looks on Barry, to be honest.

"If you play your cards right," Barry said, somewhat breathlessly, already leaning back towards Cisco.

"Noted," Cisco murmured, before finding Barry's lips again.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me crying over Barry/Cisco (amongst other things) on my [tumblr](http://brionyjae.tumblr.com) :)


End file.
